All In The Family

Matthew 9:35-10:23; Romans 5:6-11

June 15, 2008, Eleventh Sunday in Ordinary Time

This summer the words of Matthew are prescient. Many farmers are looking at the possibility of having good harvests with few laborers to bring in the harvest. It is a fear that causes dread in the hearts of those who spent hours and days in the hot sun, putting in fields, now facing the possibility of not having the workers, the immigrants, or migrant workers to bring the harvest in. The fear is not only of lost revenue, but also the wasted time and energy that was spent in putting the crops in. It is an immediate, visceral fear; a fear that can cause one to become defensive, to circle the wagons, to do whatever one can do to protect oneself.

And here we enter our passage from Matthew. Sarah Breuer, a religious blogger writes concerning our passage today.

There's this pair of verses in Matthew (10:5-6) that I struggled with for years every time it came up in the lectionary:

Go nowhere among the Gentiles, and enter no town of the Samaritans, but go rather to the lost sheep of Israel.

For years, whenever that came up in the lectionary, I shuddered. It sounded like the opposite of that core theology I valued; it sounded like Jesus was telling his followers to limit the Good News to a chosen few, the "good" people who deserve it.

This evangelistic mission by the disciples, the first one according to Matthew, is only to the chosen people of Israel. We also remember Jesus’ response to the Canaanite woman who asked for a healing for her daughter and Jesus responded that he was only sent to the lost children of Israel, and talked as if the Canaanite woman was a dog. To which she responded that even the dogs get the crumbs that fall from the table, and thus secured Jesus’ blessing for her daughter.(Matthew 15:21-28)

It would seem that Matthew has a dim view of any kind of ministry to people who were not Jewish. And it would seem to fit if we recall that the author of the Gospel of Matthew writes this Gospel to show how Jesus is the fulfillment of the messianic promises to the Jews in the Old Testament.

When a group is hard-pressed it is easy to define their mission more narrowly so as to make it more manageable. The Church at the time this gospel was written was experiencing hardship and persecution. And it would be easy to imagine that Jesus, through the mouth of the gospel writer, was doing just that. However, if you look at verse 23 we hear:

When they persecute you in one town, flee to the next; for truly I tell you, you will not have gone through all the towns of Israel before the Son of Man comes.

The ones doing the persecuting were the lost sheep of Israel. Jesus really meant it when he said that he was “sending them (you) out like sheep into the midst of wolves.” This was not any circling of the wagons. This was an all-out offensive maneuver. This is not an anti-Semitic passage stating that the Jews need to be saved. Because at this point even the disciples still considered themselves to be Jews. But they were Jewish heretics, or rebels who were being flogged in synagogues and hauled before governors and rulers. This is a family fight. It’s about “Brother will betray brother to death, and a father his child, and children will rise against parents and have them put to death.”

Today’s Matthew reading is not about security, but about reconciliation. I recall someone once said “peace is not made between friends, but between enemies.” To a certain degree that is what we are talking about here, but rather than peace, we use the word reconciliation. Paul says it well in our verses from Romans today.

For if while we were enemies, we were reconciled to God through the death of his Son, much more surely, having been reconciled, will we be saved by his life. But more than that, we even boast in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.

From the beginning Jesus sought to reconcile people and the Jewish faith; to reconcile the Jewish faith to God. His instructions to his disciples before he sends them out to speak the gospel make it clear that they are to be about reconciliation, but Jesus also recognizes that the work of reconciliation will also create enemies in the family of faith. As the old saying goes “old habits die hard,” and I would say that many old beliefs die even harder. But difficult as it may be, the disciples are still given the mission of reconciliation, just as we are.

Today we celebrate Father’s Day and I’m aware that in many ways we think about our fathers differently than our mothers. I suppose my generation is one of the first that really began to get away from the idea that it was the father’s role to provide for his family and keep them safe. This was a role that many in my generation found difficult as it meant that our fathers were either absent much of the time, or emotionally distant. We often felt that our fathers did not love us, because they did not show it like our mothers did. They did not express their love. Rather, many fathers believed their love was being shown in how they provided for their families. This was often difficult for the children to understand.

In the ‘70’s one of the most popular shows on TV was “All In the Family.” Archie Bunker, the father, represented the emotionally distant father and husband with a very strong conservative morality, and political viewpoints coupled with an argumentative and bombastic personality. Edith, his wife, was the one who kept the house and took care of his every need, but who struggled with some of Archie’s viewpoints, and her own nurturing instincts, while she also tried to keep the peace between Archie and her daughter and son-in-law, who also lived in the house. The son-in-law, Michael, known by Archie as “Meathead” was the ‘60’s hippie rebel who believed and represented everything that Archie was against. It was a constant battle royal between them. And Gloria was the wonderful daughter who could melt her dad’s heart, but had made the mistake of marrying this imbecile Meathead. In many ways Gloria was a younger version of her mother with a little more life and a streak of rebelliousness in her. The family battled, made up, lived out their differences, but usually managed to keep from killing each other. They literally fought through their differences. The world was all in their family. But there were times that both Archie and Michael could appreciate each other and be civil.

There are many who have not been able to stay together like Archie and Michael. That is where today’s message of reconciliation most needs to be heard. Lee Thomas, a writer of screenplays, wrote an essay for a book entitled Sons on Fathers: A book of Men’s Writing, edited by Ralph Keyes, about his relationship with his own father. This is a condensed version of what he writes in the essay.

It wasn’t until I talked with my father as an adult that I truly got to know him. As a child I had many questions about why he said the things and did the things he did. I’d be so angry at him that all I could think of was which way he should die.

My father was a dictator in his house, and his word was law. “Don’t do as I do, do as I say,” he would often remark. If you disobeyed, punishment was swift and sometimes harsh. Some of the beatings I got would be considered child abuse by today’s standards.

He beat me one snowy Christmas when I was about twelve…Later he offered me money to buy myself something. It was his way of apologizing. But to have heard him say “I’m sorry” or to have given me a hug would have been worth more than anything else. “It is difficult for your daddy to apologize” my mother told me. She didn’t say why, but I guessed it was for the same reason her didn’t hug her…Why was he so domineering and self-centered . . . ?

The answer to some of my questions came much later when he had aged and mellowed, and I was an adult, single and independent . . . I told him everything that had bothered me about him from my childhood on. He was surprised I remembered so much. He listened patiently as I poured out my feelings . . .

He told me about his childhood and how tough it had been growing up poor in rural southern New Jersey. He was raised by his mother, a strong domineering woman, and his stepfather. His natural father, who had only a third grade education, abandoned the family when he was very young.

After his description of life when he was growing up I understood him better. At that time there were definite ideas about how men and women should be. Men worked, women took care of the house. Real men didn’t cry or have any outward display of emotion . . .

I’ve forgiven my dad for things he did in the past. Forgiveness is a powerful thing. It paves the way for relationships to grow. As a result, my dad and I are closer now than ever. We’ve even started hugging each other, and each time it gets easier for him to do.

I finally have the kind of relationship with him that I’ve always wanted. He’s not just my father anymore. He’s my friend.

Jesus called the Jewish church to be reconciled, and for his disciples to be the reconciling agents. Paul called the early Church to be reconciled to God and to one another. Today they both call our families, and our church to be reconciled. For in God’s eyes we are most certainly all in the family.

Amen

© 2008 Rev. Dr. Thomas T. Peters